I have a tendency to do things that push people away. No matter how close I am to someone, no matter how many times they tell me they will always be there for me; I always wait for the day that they decide that I’m not worth it. I do it to everyone I love and everyone that loves me. I anticipate people to leave me and in a way it’s to protect myself — to protect myself from maybe not getting hurt as bad. I’m not really sure it works too well. Actually, I know it isn’t a healthy way of living my life. Each and every day is a battle with my anxieties of both trying to please people as well as trying to be brutally honest with how I feel and think. You would think it gets easier, but it only gets harder. I was once walking on eggshells, but now I am the eggshells. Being cracked day-to-day, hour-to-hour, by people who need me, use me. I’m made solely to be broken.

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